overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
God, I missed his penis.
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