I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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