I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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