if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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