So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
