We named our party play list daddy issues
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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