And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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