walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
