Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
