Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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