Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
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I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
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My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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