Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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