That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
