I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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