I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
