She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
