I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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