Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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