hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
