So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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