I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
