We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
