where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
