how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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