peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
