she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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