i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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