I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
