shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I didn't notice because vodka
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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