im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i believe in u and ur pee
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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