I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
