You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He passed out mid-signature
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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