I need help removing her.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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