On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Still dying that you shit outside
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
