Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
