We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
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he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
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Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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