Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
