the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
