I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
