well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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