i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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