i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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