She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
