You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
