o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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