; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
