oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
