So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
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Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
wow bdsm is so cute
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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