and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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