well I can't set my house on fire every night
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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