bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
