Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
did i just pee glitter
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
