i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
