he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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