FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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