if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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