i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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