Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
