There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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