Screwed.edu
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
