Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
