Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize