Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
