shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm bleeding and have questions
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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