Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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