Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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