Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
