careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
