You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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