Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
