Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
