Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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