Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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