so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
