Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
