Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
