You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
