This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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