I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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