either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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