So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
