i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
