Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
