at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
