Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
