Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He felt like a one man threesome
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
